I posed the question to you last spring, where do you find your sunshine? This spring I’ve been asking a similar thing – but this time, a question posed only to myself.
I’m one of those who feels life deeply. At times it seems as though I could burst apart, a sparkling, confetti-ed explosion of joy; at other times, I fear I may be crushed by the boulder of a weight behind my ribs. My husband says it’s the result of living with an open heart. Maybe, I don’t know, but I do know it’s not in me to do it differently. This Spring our dear golden dog Luke, who we’ve shared home and life with for 13 years, suddenly grew very very old. We’ll lose him soon. He’s been a true friend, a mind-reader, a leaner, sun-seeker, a soulful soul, a dear and constant companion. We’ve shared so many playful happy times, a deep and mutual affection, and now we share a suffering. This we do, because we love, and suffering and love are bound.
I’ve grown very quiet here. I haven’t had words or images to share. It hasn’t only been Luke. (Though mostly him.) Life, in its various aspects, has called me away. And of course, life does that. It’s unfortunate (I can say this now) that I’ve felt guilty for my extended silence. But I want to claim as good and right: that each of us show compassion and kindness not only to others but to ourselves; that we allow and grant ourselves our needs – be they rest, or silence or celebration. Be they a walk in the woods, the challenge of a mountain or the simple need to bury our faces in golden fur.
And too, may we allow ourselves to have questions without answers, and to rest in that uncomfortable state of unknowing until we know. And when we do, may we act out of love.
Blessings to you all, and thank you for your presence in my life.
♥ Antoinette – spree